Oh, yay, Google! How... festive of you?

Google has taken to celebrating the shortening of the days in the Northern Hemisphere by, uh, confusing your mother on their front-page! So what do you do when you're writing a 500 word article about a weird Japanese artist's 11th-grade-geometry-notebook-inspired Google doodle? Why, you veer for the inappropriate:

Murakami emerged as a self-styled late century Andy Warhol in 1996 when he founded the Hiropon Factory, a collective of young artists who would reproduce his works like widgets. I first encountered his art in the form of a sculpture called Hiropon: a wide-eyed girl-woman with comically massive breasts swinging a stream of lactating milk like a jump-rope around her skipping body.

No link here, sorry! What kind of summer do you think this is? Besides, you already looked it up, admit it. Oh, but it gets better:

She was cute, even sexy by way of hyperbolic parody. But she was also, quite possibly, deranged.

That's a... way of putting it, Roland Kelts. By the way, we are pulling you out of Japan. You have been there long enough that dead-eyed, lactating pop-art is "cute, even sexy" in a way. If he had done any investigative reporting, he would have linked those two to the creepy little people in the "Sour Girl" video by STP. Again, no link. What kind of summer...

Don't worry... we just want hugs.